Brokenness. A word that often reminds me of past hurts and perhaps even hurts that are fresh on your heart. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world and are bound to face a trial and tribulation during our life. Everyone has some sort of brokenness that they have moved on from or have allowed to take over their mind. Maybe the pain has caused some hearts to harden.
No matter what you have experienced in life, your hurts are yours and you are allowed to feel the emotions that come along with them. They make you, you but we can’t allow them to get the best of us. To me the most amazing thing is that God already knows what we feel and what we think. Even when we can’t express them ourselves, He knows. I hope that you have discovered that during your trials, God is there and there is an ultimate reason for your suffering. It sucks. There isn’t a nicer way to say it but I’ve learned to step back and ask God, “What is the take away from this, what am I missing? Show me. Make it as clear as hitting me in the head with a cast iron skillet because you know I’m not going to get it right away.” Yeah. I pray that. Jesus knows I need that extra bam.
I’ve recently had a trial of my own that I thought I was okay and I would just move along. Today had other plans for me. Feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger consumed me like a raging fire. Thank God for the people He has placed in my life to speak truth to me when I need it and especially when I am at my weakest and most ugliest self.
I found myself in prayer and luckily I got my extra bam today. Even if it wasn’t what my flesh wanted, it was what my soul needed. And that my friends is the best outcome.
Only God can take someone that is broken and make them whole again. In that there is real beauty as Our Maker puts us back together. Not just beauty that surpasses anything we could ever imagine but in the end we will be perfectly put together by the hands of Jesus.
Until then I will enjoy allowing Jesus to take my broken pieces and mend them back together because even though it hurts there is refuge in His arms. The peace He allows to radiate through me is far better than any fleshly emotion I could ever feel. And you know what the best part is, He isn’t finished with me. In the end, I will be put together perfectly by His perfect hands for His perfect purpose.
It’s been a while hasn’t it? To be honest, I’ve let life get the best of me. The last time I wrote, I let y’all know that my grandmother, The Matriarch of my family went to be with the Lord. Ever since then I’ve felt lost, guilty and depressed. I didn’t want to write because I didn’t want to feel the emotions that come with grief. Grief is a scary feeling but sometimes you just have to feel and go through the motions to get to the other side. Often times when I’m experiencing these emotions, I will disconnect. It’s probably not healthy but it’s something I need to do. It’s something that helps me and my mind understand and come to terms with circumstances that are happening in my life.
You know how there are times in life where you feel like everything in the world is coming against you? You turn one way and there is a problem or a hurdle to jump? Then just before that fire is put out, you find yourself having to jump over something else? Have you ever wondered what in the world is going on in the universe to have ALL of world throwing rocks at you? I have.
I had an ah ha moment.
I realized that during the time before the distress, I let the world creep in. Notice, I used the word creep because that’s exactly how Satan does it, slowly and surely. Unfortunately, it’s too often too late until you realize what has happened. I let the world define my thoughts, my emotions and eventually those worldly thoughts and emotions seeped into my heart.
Then it hits me. I hear Him say, “Child Come Home. You Need Me. Staying close to me is the only way you can do this. You can’t do this walk without Me.” Jesus is right, I can’t! Life is too chaotic without Him and all it takes to drift away is one day of skipping time with God, talking with Him, and praying, just one day or one time.
What if Jesus lets the universe throw every hurdle at us? That sounds kinda harsh doesn’t it? I mean if He loved us so then why would He let us feel like we are drowning in life? Maybe He does it because He doesn’t want us to drift too far away? Perhaps, He wants us to stay close to Him and for us to realize that we do need Him, it may take an obstacle or two…or even a frying pan. He knows we have tasted His goodness and He wants to give us even more of His goodness. I want all that He will give me and I
will gladly except the times in my life where He has to use a frying pan over my head.